Many parents and caregivers of young autistic children know both the joy the and horrors of raising a little one with special needs. With autism, especially, there is a good chance that your child can throw a fit that would make even the most stubborn neurotypical child gape. Sometimes this involves unacceptable behavior such as biting, hitting, scratching, or self-harm. There are several different ways to deal with this, and the younger the child is when you begin, the better for both you and your child.
Triggers
Like normal children, most of the time autistic children have a trigger initially that upsets them. However, it may be harder to identify than in a normally developing child. For instance, a normally developing child may throw a tantrum over not getting a toy he wants, while an autistic child may throw a tantrum over hearing a stimuli he didn’t like, an interruption in routine, or seeing a certain image he dislikes or is afraid of (all of these have happened in my personal experience). Keep a journal in which you write when each behavior occurs, including what preceded it, what happening during the tantrum, and what worked (if anything) to calm your child down. Afterwards, reading this journal may help you to identify key events or stimuli that you and your child can either work on getting used to or avoid in the future.
Dealing With a Tantrum in Progress
Whereas it’s often possible to deal with a normal child throwing a tantrum by reasoning with him or threatening him with a future time out, I have almost never seen this work in autistic behaviors. More often than not, autistic kids are not trying to “be bad,” they literally just lose control and “switch off” into an unreachable state. Oftentimes the best thing to do is to simply make sure the child is in a safe space where he cannot hurt himself or others, remove all stimuli, and tell the child, “I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
If the child self-harms, he may need to be restrained physically, or passive methods such as soft gloves or a helmet may be used. The reason I believe “ignoring” works in many cases is that behaviors can be caused by over-stimulation; adding to that with verbal commands can just make things worse. Removing all stimuli and letting the child return to normal on his own is often what works best.
Redirecting
Controlling emotions can be especially difficult for the autistic child, so instead of overtly attempting to hold anger in, I’ve found it’s much more useful to divert its path. When your child is calm and happy, teach him ways to express his anger. For nonverbal children, showing them how to take out physical anger on a more appropriate target such as a pillow or a doll may work. For verbal children, verbal expression of anger might be the start down a better path. For slightly older children and higher functioning children, writing or talking can be ways to express unhappiness that are much more acceptable.
Self-Responsibility
It’s one thing to be able to stop your child from throwing a tantrum, but it’s another altogether to enable him to be able stop himself or seek help when you’re not around. Teaching this sort of cooperative self-control becomes increasingly vital if your child goes to a mainstream school, especially if a full time 1:1 aide is not available. if your child is verbal (or non-verbal but high functioning in receptive language), talk with your child when she is calm. Give her suggestions as to what she can do when she begins to feel upset, even if it’s a gesture as simple as raising a hand.
The key here is for the child to develop a self-awareness of when a behavior like this may be coming on and the ability to alert a teacher or aide so that he or she can fix the situation, or at the very least move the child somewhere where he will not harm himself or interrupt the class if a tantrum is inevitable (for me, it’s been a small room attached to the classroom, a special education room, and the counseling center).
Helping to raise a child out of a world of violence is, to the say the least, an extremely difficult and frustrating process. Be aware that it takes time; praise or reinforce every little step of the way and have patience. Remember, it’s worth it. Autistic children grow, learn, and change, and no matter the pain now, your little one will have you to thank for a lifetime.
Ariel Lee - Ariel S. Lee holds degrees in art, science, physics and mathematics. She is currently working as a writer and musician.
